In this much-anticipated memoir, Skye Baker describes her spiritual journey through heartbreak, disillusionment and abuse, as well her personal triumph over life’s vicissitudes by forming a deep and lasting relationship with Jesus Christ.
Through her story, Baker offers a witness of the Savior’s reality and His transforming power over the hearts of Man.
Chapter: Utter Insanity, Pages 133 – 137
…..Everything changed when Toume hurt someone else.
Imagine pondering the most difficult decision of your life. Imagine trying to decide whether or not it’s worth it to bring your greatest fear back into your life in order to heal from it. Now, imagine building up that unfailing courage. You know exactly what you need to say, and do what it takes to say it to the right person. No matter what was going to happen, no matter who was going to judge you or look at you differently for what you had to say, you did what you never thought you’d be able to. You took control after eight months of utter terror, and you made the phone call that would change everything, knowing full well it would mean putting your darkest moments where everyone could see them.
I called the police. I got on the phone with an officer from Bountiful city to report a rape that happened eight months ago in Oakley, California. He listened, and very plainly explained to me that I would have to report it to the Oakley police, but that he would help me take care of it. I was extremely grateful for his kindness, suddenly finding that it wasn’t going to be as scary as I thought. Moments after making the phone call, I decided it would be wise to tell my mom that I reported him in case she were to be asked about it in the future. That’s when it all changed. She sent me a link to some online site in which she claimed I may find more ammo against him. Here’s what I found.
“TOUME (insert middle and last names), PROVO, UT. WE DATED FOR FOUR MONTHS. WE WERE IN A VERY SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. WE HAD SEX AND HAD TALKED ABOUT MARRIAGE. WE WERE FACEBOOK OFFICIAL. HE MET MY ENTIRE FAMILY AND WAS FRIENDS WITH THEM ON HIS FACEBOOK. ONE DAY, I DROVE TO HIS HOUSE IN PROVO AND HE GAVE ME HIS PHONE SO THAT I COULD USE THE INTERNET WHILE HE WAS IN THE SHOWER. I PULLED UP THE BROWSER AND IT IMMEDIATELY WENT TO THIS DATING WEBSITE WERE HE HAD BEEN TALKING TO AT LEAST 20 DIFFERENT WOMEN FOR THE PAST THREE MONTHS. HE WAS TELLING THEM THINGS THAT WE HAD TALKED ABOUT, LIKE GOING TO VISIT HIS FAMILY IN FRANCE, ASKING THEM OUT ON DATES TO WALK AROUND DOWNTOWN, LIKE WE DID ON OUR FIRST DATE. HE SAID, “YOU LOOKED BEAUTIFUL THE OTHER DAY” TO THEM. HE TALKED ABOUT MEETING UP WITH THEM. I CONFRONTED HIM ABOUT IT AND BROKE UP WITH HIM IMMEDIATELY. IT WAS A COMPLETE SHOCK AND I DIDN’T SEE ANY OF THE WARNING SIGNS. HE BEGGED ME TO TAKE HIM BACK SAYING THAT HE COULDN’T LIVE WITHOUT ME. MEANWHILE HE WAS POSTING ON DATING WEBSITES. I LATER FOUND OUT THAT THE PROBLEM WAS EVEN WORSE THAN I THOUGHT. NOT ONLY WAS HE ON THIS SITE, BUT HE HAD BEEN TALKING TO AT LEAST TEN DIFFERENT GIRLS OVER TEXT MESSAGES AND HAD CREATED MULTIPLE FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS. HE HAD ONE ACCOUNT THAT HE WAS USING TO COMMUNICATE WITH ONLY ONE GIRL. HE HAD A SEPARATE ACCOUNT THAT HAD PICTURES OF US AND USED TO BEFRIEND MY FAMILY ON FACEBOOK. HE MET UP WITH OTHER GIRLS THE SAME DAY THAT I SAW HIM. I LOOKED AT MORE DATING WEBSITES AND HE IS ON ALL OF THEM AND IS PROMISING GIRLS THAT HE IS A RESPECTFUL AND GOOD GUY. DON’T LET HIM FOOL YOU. HE WILL TELL YOU THAT HE LOVES YOU. HE WILL TELL YOU THAT HIS DAD BROKE HIS MOTHER’S HEART AND HE WILL NEVER DO THAT TO YOU, BUT DON’T BELIEVE HIM. HE IS BY FAR THE MOST EVIL PERSON THAT I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF MEETING. HE GOES BY MULTIPLE NAMES. HE TOLD ME HE WAS BORN IN FRANCE, BUT HIS DAD SUPPOSEDLY IS FROM THE CENTRAL AFRICAN REPUBLIC. HE IS BLACK, SLENDER, AND ABOUT 5’11.’’ YOU CAN FIND ADDITIONAL PICTURES ON FACEBOOK. HIS PROFILE IS FAIRLY PUBLIC.”
My body tensed. I sat staring at his face in the picture for the first time since he left. Was that really him? I guess it had to be, considering this girl essentially described everything I knew him to say when he tried to convince me he loved me. How could he do this? Who does he think he is?! Several minutes passed, and I remember telling my mom (as if I wasn’t serious) I was prepared to kill him, or at least psychologically torture him until he wished he was dead. I got home extra late. As I sat on the couch in the dark, my roommates slept completely unaware of the insanity in the front room. Soon I would be completely overcome by anger in a way I never knew I was capable of.
I felt the monster inside me ripping a hole in my chest. Literally, I had thoughts of killing Toume. Before I could stop myself, I claimed I would only go on his Facebook page to find out who this girl was (so I could tell her to report Toume too) but I quickly begun to look for any information I could use to hunt him down. The hunter was soon to be the hunted. Against my logical-self’s will, I clicked on a link to send him a message. The monster in me wrote, “Justice is coming. Soon everyone will know what you did to me.” As quickly as the message was written, my Facebook account deactivated as if against my will. My face smiled an evil smile into the darkness. He was going to be haunted until every inch of his body ached, until his whole soul was being tormented beyond any pain man could fully comprehend. He was going to hurt the way I did for so long. Nothing was worth this much torture, especially knowing full well that it hadn’t been by my choice that these consequences had to be. He deserved the torment; he deserved to be the one and only sufferer for his actions, and through my insanity it could be. Only while I was insane could the pain be eased. And so it was. It was as if these actions were happening through my person, without my consent. I sung the words to a song I knew. This wouldn’t have been so unsettling… except that I had never heard this song before… It was playing in my head as if I was reciting the lyrics to my own song, but somewhere I felt it being written as I thought the words. I heard Toume’s demon whisper in my ear. “Fallen angel, speak no mercy; break him for the things he did. Fallen angel ends your suffering, take his heart and cure the pain. You can let go. Lose the longing. Give up fighting; end the war. You must die, or he must go. Take his life and lose no more.” This horrible song was several verses long. Most phrases screamed for revenge and some reminded me how much darker the depths of my mind faded since he twisted it. He twisted my mind, and now it had snapped. I could hear my heartbeat in my head. There was a deep roaring sound like a large piece of metal being dragged through a cave underneath the beating of my heart. As I imagined showing up at his work to psychologically terrorize him, I heard a high-pitched whistle, like the static on a TV screen. The whistle got higher as the scene deepened until it outpitched human comprehension, the heartbeat quickened, and it all suddenly stopped. I let out a quiet chuckle.
“I’m coming for you.” I whispered into the depths.
****TO READ FROM THE BEGINNING AND FIND THE CONCLUSION****